Today we are talking about why dedication and willpower are not enough on their own to change and maintain your ideal lifestyle.
As I have hinted at in previous episodes, to make sustained change we need to need to focus on forming new habits and breaking the old ones, but even more importantly it is about forming new habits that we can set on auto pilot.
So In this episode I’ll be giving more information on how and why you should be doing this as well as some good starting points.
In this episode I share:
- Why a lack of strategy and structure can make it hard to thrive
- Why using willpower is not enough to sustain change
- The reason that going from 0-100 won’t work
- The secret to gaining momentum
- The importance of starting with a life audit process
- Examples of a varied lifestyle that you need to account for when planning to change habits
- Why having structure is not about becoming a robot with your habits
- How everyone around you benefits from you using structure and not will power to maintain your lifestyle
- Examples of some guard rails you can use
Key Quotes
“Even though it can be difficult to choose yourself, every single person around you benefits from you thriving.”
“The goal really is about forming new habits, breaking the old and putting them on auto pilot so we don’t have to think about them.”
“Stop beating yourselves up and thinking that the next version of yourself is out of reach.”
Episode Resources
Jessica Spendlove Website – www.jessicaspendlove.com
Jessica Spendlove Keynotes – JessicaspendloveKeynotes – Jessica Spendlove
The High-Performance Profile Quiz https://jessicaspendlove.com/quiz/
Jess Spendlove Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jess_spendlove_dietitian/?hl=en
Jess Spendlove LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessica-spendlove-64173bb8/
About Your Host
Jessica Spendlove | Wellbeing Speaker & High Performance Strategist
Jess Spendlove is an international wellbeing and high performance speaker, coach, and advisor. With over 15 years of experience across corporate leadership, elite sport and the military she is known for helping ambitious leaders and teams optimise energy, build resilience, and sustain peak performance.
As one of Australia’s leading performance dietitians and a trusted voice in executive wellbeing, Jess delivers science-backed strategies that empower individuals, teams and organisations to thrive under pressure and achieve long-term success.
Episode Transcript
The following transcript has been automatically generated and not checked for accuracy
Jess (00:05.486)
Today on Stay At The Top, we are talking about why dedication and willpower are not enough on their own. And really the goal needs to be about editing our current lifestyle and updating our current routines, habits and routines. The goal really is about forming new habits and breaking the old and then putting them on autopilot so we don’t have to think about them, so we don’t have to use more bandwidth.
It really is about simplifying the noise that exists and those thoughts that race around. And it is one less thing we need to think about, but it is one more thing that we do. It is one less thing we think about it, but it is… It is one less thing we think about, but it is behaviour that we have embedded into our routine that we don’t even need to think about. The idea of today’s…
The idea of today’s episode is really about helping you gain a new way of operating.
Jess (01:10.287)
The idea of today’s episode is to gain a new way of operating and to be honest, stop beating yourselves up and thinking that the next version of yourself is out of reach. She or he is not and really it is about just finding those small little tweaks to your current lifestyle that are supportive of the goals that you have. I’m really looking forward to today’s episode and I know you’re going to get a lot out of it.
Jess (02:04.015)
Have you ever noticed that you want to make a change in your life but you find it difficult? Of course you do. You’re all human and we’ve all been there, myself included. Maybe that change might be you might want to lose some weight or improve your health. You might want to cut back on sugar, exercise more, stop vaping, start doing yoga, go to bed earlier, stop yelling at the kids, keep the house cleaner. Really the list goes on and on. But…
The reality is we try to make these changes through willpower and the problem is that willpower alone is not enough to sustain change. Now the reason for this is that willpower… Now the problem with trying to change using willpower alone is that every choice becomes a struggle between your prefrontal cortex and the powerful urges of the primal brain.
Eventually these urges seem to win out which not only erodes your sense of self -control but leaves you feeling ashamed for every time you messed up and frustrated with yourself. This is why when you join a new gym and go from zero to a hundred or you get a new meal plan online or from your gym or wherever you’ve gotten it from, which is so far from what you’re currently eating and doing, it is going to be impossible to stick to.
And while you may have the best intentions of kicking things off and sticking to something, when it’s so far from what you’re currently doing, when it requires so many changes and so many new steps, it’s mission impossible.
Jess (03:51.44)
it’s mission impossible, especially when you throw in the mix of working, running a business, having a family or a partner and needing to consider them.
Jess (04:13.68)
And also, the reality is there are only so many hours in the day and so much bandwidth to go around.
Jess (04:35.441)
This is why my individual approach in every coaching program I run with a client or with my brand new small group program, Reclaim Your Energy, is centered around principles and customizing and personalizing that to the individual’s life. This really is the sweet spot. It is about leveraging science -backed principles that we know that work.
that we know that are grounded in science, but they are tailored to the real world and have real world application. Now, the sweet spot really is about having those science backed principles and customizing them and applying them to where you are starting from, to your current lifestyle. And also,
factoring in your goals. Now, this might sound complicated, but it is actually, it is actually very straightforward.
Jess (06:23.857)
Now, the amazing thing is I’ve been doing the… Now, the really great thing here is… Now, you might think that’s easy for me to say because I’ve been doing this type of work for the last 15 years. But the great news with that for you, if you’re listening, is that I have so many reps on the board with clients that I’ve worked with, clients that I have applied these proven principles, athletes and business owners and executives and leaders.
who have implemented these principles time and time again and been able to customise them to their life. Now, the great thing about this is obviously I’m not only telling you what to do, but I am teaching you. And that really is the sweet spot. Now, I know a lot of people listening to this just want to be told, just tell me what I need to do. And I want to 100 % hear you. And the very first stage is telling. But when you…
learn, when you understand how to decode the principles, when you understand to listen to the changes that are happening to your body and your brain when you apply these principles, that is when a really beautiful thing happens. That is when we start to not only consciously become aware of our behaviour change, but also subconsciously. When we put a behaviour into place and then we acknowledge how we feel when we do it or
because life happens and we miss the behaviour, then what happens when we don’t? We start to identify the gap between where we were and where we want to be and stepping there in between.
Jess (08:16.786)
I really believe that this is the number one needle mover when it comes to lasting behaviour change is when you are able to identify your past self and how you are operating and you start to step into this new version of yourself with new tools, with new strategies, with a new outlook but also with that support or guidance. Someone who is standing there being able to tell you what to look out for, to teach you the signs and accelerate that process.
Now, the goal is absolutely behaviour change and embedding new habits. But when I had Dr Gina Cleo on, I believe that was episode 16 in season 1, that whole episode was dedicated to habits. So if you haven’t listened, head back. But some of the key takeaways are that we can only change one to three, we can only change or implement one to three habits at a time. And on average, it takes 66 days to embed or change a habit.
So that is very different to the universal 21 days that we’ve been told. We’re really looking at around 10 to 12 weeks to truly change that behaviour. Now, the beautiful thing about being in an environment or having support from someone is that they can collapse those timelines and they can also be there to help you navigate all of life’s twists and turns. Because the thing that I have found,
Even in the process I follow with my coaching clients, and this is going to be the first step I follow in my brand new small group program, Reclaim Your Energy, we will be doing the life audit process, which I also went into detail on in episode, I believe 18 in season one. But the life audit process is about capturing a full week, seven days of everything that your life looks like. Where you work, if you’re in the office or if you’re at home.
Do you drop the children to school? What other commitments do you have? Do you go to the gym some mornings or not? What are the weekends look like? Really is about getting a full 360 degree look at every single aspect of your life across a week to fully understand all of the little intricacies which change. Now, these little intricacies might not look like much on the surface level, but in this process when we’re trying to…
Jess (10:42.483)
find consistency and create consistency without turning you into a robot. Because the thing is, that is an unrealistic expectation. If we think we’re just gonna come up with one strategy that’s going to work for you every single day, when you might have three or four different days across the week. And now what I mean by that is if you have children, you might drop them to school some mornings. And then on other days, you might work in the office versus at home. And that might be the difference of a commute of 30 or 60 minutes.
we can start to see that all three of those mornings are very different. And then on top of that, we might have the weekend, which might be again, if we have children, maybe that’s Saturday sport and Sundays, we don’t have sports. So all of a sudden you’ve got four or five different mornings. And if we’re coming up with one strategy on how you start your morning, that’s not necessarily going to work for all of those. So this is where it gets into the nitty gritty where,
At a principal level, we want to standardise that start of the day, but the way in which we do that really does differ from person to person because we are considering their life. Now, if we flip that script…
Jess (12:00.692)
Now, if we flip that script and we think about someone who maybe doesn’t have children, and I’m going to use myself and as an example here, just last week alone, I had very different looking mornings. There are some mornings that I go to the gym. There are some mornings that I just go for a walk. I was in Melbourne for two days last week at a speaking engagement. On another day, I had a speaking engagement in Sydney that I needed to be at.
And then on the other two remaining days, I had a day at home and a day in the office. So if that sounds more similar to your lifestyle and you could resonate with that, you can see how quite easily, quite easily behaviors and strategies can get out of whack. And now the thing I really want you to think about is,
When we are proactive, we take control of our day and we set the tone. But what can really easily, sorry. And what I liken that to is pushing dominoes in the direction that we wanna push them. Each domino gets pushed, it push, each domino gets pushed and it knocks the rest of the dominoes in the direction we wanna have. It’s like that positive momentum that’s gained.
But similarly, imagine if we knock the dominoes in the direction we don’t want. I liken that to what I call the reactive rat race or the downward spiral. And it really just takes one behavior or strategy in that first half of the day to be out to then knock those dominoes in that downward spiral direction. And the thing I see is people unknowingly.
knocking their dominoes in the downward spiral direction because they’re just so busy. They’ve got so many external commitments. They’re thinking about their family. They’re thinking about traffic. They’ve got to get to work. They’ve got all of these balls in the air. They’re wearing a thousand hats that they’re just getting on with their day and they’re doing the best that they can. But when there’s a lack of strategy and structure,
Jess (14:19.221)
When there’s a lack of strategy and structure, it’s really hard to feel like we’re thriving. And it’s nearly impossible to feel like we’re thriving. And at best, we probably feel like we’re okay, but we know we could feel better. Or at worst, we feel like we’re thriving. And when one more change or one more curve ball that is just going to send us…
that is just going to tip us over.
Jess (15:00.181)
So this is why it is absolutely fundamental that the strategies have to be personalised to your lifestyle, your preferences and your goals. And this is also why the later seven day meal plan from said trainer, gym, influencer, program, wherever we’re getting it from, isn’t going to stick for you because…
because in 2024, we have a lot of commitments and while we might…
While we might be wanting to put ourselves first, while we might be wanting to dedicate the time and energy to this process, a lot of the approaches out there live in an unrealistic world. They live in a world which is, to be honest, as I’ve said, what I feel like, relying on dedication and willpower, and because it is relying on that rather than habit formation, and because it’s not personalized to your life and it’s tailoring that and tweaking what you’re currently doing, but just improving it.
It’s setting you up for, I don’t want to say failure because we can learn things from it, but it’s not giving us the best chance. It’s not giving us the path of least resistance. And that’s what this needs to be. Goodbye, we need to say goodbye to the narrative that to be the best version of ourselves, whether that’s the healthiest version, the most high performing version, it needs to be sacrifice and suffering. I don’t believe in that.
I don’t subscribe to that and it’s not the philosophy or the approach that I have used with thousands and thousands of high performing clients. What I’ve seen to work is proven principles that are tailored and customized to their life, their preferences, but it’s getting them in the direction of their goals. It’s layering those dominoes in the correct order to knock each one into the positive direction to gain that momentum to continue to leverage that.
Jess (16:57.174)
And if you’re listening to this and this is resonating with you, know that it is possible for you. Know that you are not too busy.
know that just in that it know that’s possible for you.
Jess (17:25.27)
Ultimately, the goal is to edit our current behaviours and also form new habits. Habits really are the ultimate goal when it comes to behaviour change because this is really about embedding new habits or improved habits and putting them on autopilot. Doesn’t that just sound like a dream? It’s something we just do, we don’t even need to think that much about. The amount of cognitive bandwidth that we reserve,
and the amount of energy we reserve when that happens is profound.
Jess (18:08.854)
And ultimately team, this really needs to be your end game. It’s not a… And so this is why team habits and adjusting your current behaviors to have lasting behavior change is the end game. And it’s also why that dedication and willpower are not what’s missing for you. You are motivated.
You are dedicated. You have willpower, but it is only fleeting. We can’t rely. If we’re constantly reliant, relying on that, we are going to erode. That is going to erode sooner or later, either when we get tired, we get distracted, we have social commitments or whatever it might be. And then we’re going to think we’re back to square one. We’re going to be off the wagon or using all these terms that we use and we haven’t progressed.
Whereas the reality is you’re a hardworking, motivated person and I don’t actually need to motivate you. You’re already motivated. But the thing that is missing is something and someone who can support you, who can guide you, and who can help navigate this space. Because you have so many other priorities and balls in the air that there’s only so much time, energy, and bandwidth to go around.
And I totally understand the frustrating thing is it’s not necessarily that you don’t know the thing. Although I would challenge you in that I will be able to teach you some new things, which I hope I do on this podcast. But really it’s not about just… But really what we wanna be doing is building sustainable routines. And when we build sustainable routines, they’re like little reps in the gym in our self -belief muscle.
that we’re showing up for ourselves and we can be consistent. This builds confidence, it’s powerful, and the most important and powerful factor is that it compounds. So similar to, yeah, it compounds.
Jess (20:28.664)
Another key factor in this entire process is about incorporating a level of flexibility. And this is what I term finding consistency in the inconsistency. What it’s not about is becoming a robot and having a one size fits all approach with no flexibility or no flex, as that is setting you up for failure. And it’s also…
This is not about becoming a robot and having a one size fits all approach with no flexibility, as that is setting you up for failure. But it is about finding out individual guardrails and helping you implement them. Now, I love the idea of the, I love the idea of guardrails and a lot of my individual coaching clients really respond to them as well. And again, in my brand new group coaching program, Reclaim Your Energy, which was starting on the 30th of May,
Spots of filling, but if you’re interested, click on the link, join the wait list. We have the most incredible group of business owners and busy professionals already inside. So if that sounds like you and everything I’m touching on here today is speaking to you, this could be a really great opportunity for you to get this support and guidance and accountability in a creative, supportive, small group environment where
We’re cheering each other on. We’re learning, we’re implementing principles to your life. We’re simplifying. As I said, this isn’t about you cooking five different meals a night for your family, your partner, and yourself. This is about understanding what your life looks like and customizing it. This is about you doing less, but getting more return. This is about you gaining confidence. This is about you…
prioritizing yourself and I know that’s something that you want to do and I know that’s something that you struggle to do and I really can relate to that because that was my story for a really long time. Probably until probably before the last two years that was just how I operated my life but here’s the thing when you prioritize yourself everyone around you benefits the ripple effects of you having more energy.
Jess (22:48.185)
having better wellbeing, having more focus, more clarity. Every single person in your orbit benefits from that, whether that’s your family, whether that’s your team, whether that’s your staff, every person benefits. It is a ripple effect. Now, coming back to the point I was making around…
finding guardrails, I wanted to give you some examples of what that might look like. So often that is about helping you establish how many meals and snacks a day are your optimal and also what the composition of those should be. But it’s not about you just having one option, one breakfast, one lunch, one dinner, one snack. It’s figuring them out and making sure that you’ve got a number of different options. So when you want to change or sub them in and out.
or when you’re traveling or at home or at the office, you’ve got options at work for you. Some of the other guard rails are around having nightly wind down routines regardless of what you’ve got on, or figuring out what your optimal exercise and training rhythm is across the week and establishing what is our minimum and what is our ideal. Now,
Jess (24:21.338)
Now I’ve run some polls on my Instagram, my LinkedIn. I’ve also done it in a few group presentations that I have conducted in the last week or so around what is the best way people currently describe how they’re operating. The three options were thriving, surviving or okay, but I know I could feel better. And there’s one on LinkedIn still running at the moment, but…
Over 95 % of the people that have voted on every channel in every audience has said they are either surviving or they’re okay but they know that they could feel better. Team, if you’re listening and that is you and you haven’t chosen thriving, I want you to know that it is time and it is possible to say goodbye to the narrative that it is okay to feel tired or suboptimal.
or like you’re surviving. Regardless of who you are, what your circumstances are, I fundamentally believe there are principles that you can apply to elevate yourself. And as I said, even though it can be difficult to choose yourself sometimes, every single person around you benefits from you thriving.
Jess (25:43.322)
And so if you would love a small supportive group environment with my 100 % support telling you what you need to do, teaching you why you should do it and helping you create a new operating system, I would love for you to join me in my brand new group coaching program, Reclaim Your Energy.
The group of business owners and busy professionals that have said yes to this program and they have put their hand up saying that they want support, they want accountability. And the number one thing they have said, it’s not because they don’t necessarily know what to do, but there is a disconnect between where they are and where they want to be. And the beautiful thing about getting support and accountability and expertise is that it collapses timelines and it speeds up how quickly you can get there.
And while you might be so familiar with being exhausted and feeling like you’re in a state of chaos, it really can change in a matter of weeks when you get the right program and the right strategy customized to your life.
Jess (26:49.274)
And as I said, the most important thing you can do as a business owner and a leader and a parent and a high performing human is to put your hand up and choose yourself first, which I know might be the first time a lot of you are doing that. But here’s the thing, your career, your business, your family, all benefit from you prioritizing yourself. The ripple effect into every other area of your life is profound. Now, as I said, this is no longer required.
This is about no longer relying on willpower and dedication and motivation, which you have that, and which you have that. But the reality is when we rely on that and we don’t learn to, hmm, scrap that.
Jess (27:37.467)
Team, to summarize, I really hope this episode has helped you highlight why there might be some areas of your life that you’ve wanted to change, that you’ve tried to change, and for whatever reason, you haven’t been successful. My educated guess is that you have been relying on dedication, willpower, and motivation, which are fantastic qualities to have, but hopefully you can start to understand why it’s not about focusing on that. It is about leveraging behaviors that we’re currently doing.
and updating and adjusting them and also aiming to form new habits that serve us, that we can put on autopilot. If you loved today’s episode, I would absolutely be so appreciative if you’d share it with a friend, you’d share it on social media and tag me. For those people who have subscribed, rated and reviewed, I’m so grateful. And if you haven’t, I would be absolutely… I would absolutely…
And if you haven’t and you’re willing to, I absolutely love reading the messages, reading the support, reading the reviews. It’s great to hear. So many people are getting value out of the new format and the new style of stay at the top. And on that note team, I will be back again next week, helping you not only reach the top, but sustainably stay there.